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Archive for June, 2014

Last night I dreamt about Maya Angelou.  I thought for sure that I had met her in person in those first few moments when I woke from my sleep, and I had this urge to find the photograph of us that I was so certain had existed.  In the dream I realized that there was so much remorse that I was feeling from not having written and given up on my dream of pursuing writing due to fears that was the theme in my previous post.  

I came back from a delicious lunch in town with a friend, her boyfriend and family for her birthday, stopped at a little shop that was having a clearing out sale and got some pretty glasses for a good deal.  When I crossed the street and walked back towards my apartment, I felt this deep sinking in the pit of my stomach.  I felt sick for a few moments and every part of my body felt heavy.  This inexplicable sadness came over me and I was sensing that I had been ignoring or avoiding impulses to write over the last week since my last blog entry.   

As I sat down at my computer, wondering why I hadn’t heard from people and starting to feel sorry for myself again, I remembered my dream and went to my bathroom to wash my hands and change into some comfortable shorts.  The cool of the water felt like it was waking me up from the uncomfortable sinking feeling in my body.  I sensed that though I could not recall the entirety of the dream, that Maya was still trying to reach me and remind me of my commitment to my passions.  “If you don’t like your situation, then change it.” were some of her words, perhaps not exactly quoted, but this held the gist of them in some form of phrase or another.  

I thought to myself, maybe even if I don’t have the courage to sit down and write a whole poem or complete work on this novel, even if I blog today that can be a start.  This can be a beginning. 

I may someday want marriage and children and be aching for it, likely due to my age and that this is something I have always wanted in my life, to be a mom and to have a life partner to love as I do my current beau, but I cannot force these things, and I cannot forget the depths of my artistic dreams.  I cannot forget the importance of these unique talents and internal missions I have and my commitment to them.  

I will continue to work on living in the present moment and thinking positive.  

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