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Archive for September, 2010

Dear World, Family and Friends, Distant and Close, Geographically and Emotionally,

I’m the girl who looks Spanish, but speaks German, and no I’m not lying to you, I wouldn’t hide the talent if I could speak Spanish.  And I have no idea if I’m Spanish somewhere back along the ancestral lines, but my dad calls himself black, and so does the rest of his family.  No, I’m not adopted, but if you would like me to tell you that, I can do that too, especially if it makes you feel better about the fact that the only Spanish I know I learned from Sesame Street.  And no it’s not enough to carry on a conversation with you and no I don’t think everyone should know Spanish just because some people don’t want to learn English.  One, my family had to learn English to survive here, what makes you so special?  Two, I’m an English Major so I have qualms with people who don’t know how to speak the language and don’t know how to read or write it.  (And qualms with people who want to quibble over my grammar and word choice in a blog entry that was written at 12:24 in the morning, only because I am an English Major.)

And you know what? I can write my name upside down and backwards without thinking.  I’ve done it on thousands of receipts for customer satisfaction surveys.  Most people don’t notice it.  But yes, I’m talented.  And a unique individual.  I can sing, proficiently play the violin and write poetry like it’s my job.  Got a problem with it? Go find your own damn talent.   I don’t need a $100,000 a year job to know that.  It just would be nice if I had one so I could live this lavish American lifestyle that everyone else seems to have a share in.  And to those employers and individuals who think retail experience isn’t real world experience, I’d like to stick you in retail for a year.  (I can guarantee you wouldn’t make it)

I also like Starbucks, and no it doesn’t make me snobby.  I like Lands’ End, and it doesn’t make me snobby either.  I just have good taste and know quality.  And if you’re one of two old ladies dressed in clothes far too inappropriate and tight for their age who thought it was sassy to say Lands’ End clothes are ugly and suck when the associates are standing right in the vicinity of the comment, and then you think you can come use the Lands’ End fitting room, then you have another thing coming.

I’m tall, and I’m pretty, and I have big boobs and a big butt.  (a customer told me the boobs part, and the butt thing is just because I’m part black.  I might not dress like I’m “supposed to.”  It may not be cool.  I may not fit into “the norm.”  I don’t wear what other people want me to wear, I wear what I want to wear.  I sing what I want to sing, and I love musicals.  And I will sing Jesus Christ Superstar regardless of my spirituality.   I don’t smoke because I don’t need to, and I don’t drink to excess because I know how to have a good time without that.  I always dance like nobody’s watching.  And I’m happy even if I am right now just working in retail.  I have something unique that no one else has, and I’m not afraid to show it.  I love talking to people and learning about their cultures.  And to all the men who can’t figure all these fabulous things out, I am so sorry, but you are truly missing out.  But, if you do want to get to know me, it isn’t too late to let me know.  Cause honestly I’m tired of doing all the work.

PS:

And if you love someone, even if they are just a friend or someone you distantly care about, but would be sad to hear if they passed away, then start telling them on a regular basis, because life is short, and some people give more love than they receive, leaving the world feeling unloved more often than not, so check your meter to see if you haven’t been kind to the people that have always been so good to you.  You never know when you’re gonna need them.  And you never know when you’re gonna wish you had told them “I love you.”  No matter how busy you are, no matter how little time you think you have, remember that business   won’t matter when you realize you forgot to say those three words, or even just, “You matter to me.”  Seriously people.  Wake. Up.  And remember to love.

Blessings and Peace.

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Not sure what I’m feeling right now, this will probably be pretty stream of consciousness writing today.  My ears have been popping and it’s driving me a little bonkers, I think the weather changing is what does it so it will probably make my writing a little distracted and all over the place. That and my head is off and on achy…probably the dampness outside.

I don’t think anyone reads this anyway, but as of late, I have been interested in this guy at work.  And he’s really cute, I relate to him because we’re both biracial, though we’re of different ethnicities.  (That doesn’t bother me though, I just think it makes things more interesting) He’s a little younger than me, but not by much, only like two or three years.  He’s not someone I would normally pay attention to anymore because he reminds me of a jock, because he’s into sports, but he has a geeky side to him too, he’s into electronics and did I mention that he’s cute? Nice facial features, and he seems interested in being a friend even if it doesn’t become anything more than that.  I’m trying not to expect much because I notice as soon as I start anticipating something from someone I’m crushing on, they either stop paying attention or they are weirded out by my behavior enough that I’ve scared them away.

He likes to talk and it isn’t too hard to talk to him, though some nights (we both frequently close a retail store together) I feel like I’m thinking too much about what i have to say to him, and I think that bothers him because he likes people to be blunt/honest, which I usually am.  Perhaps my nerves get the best of me, and make him uncomfortable as well…

I am glad that he seems like a person who cares about others because when I had broken down and cried at work and went to Starbucks to visit a friend of mine there, she told him she was worried about me because I came in crying.  He later asked if I was okay, which made me feel embarrassed at first, but then I realized, he was just concerned.  I just sometimes get tongue-tied when there’s a cute guy in front of me.  I admit, sometimes I do say stupid things, I will come out with something ridiculous and think it’s going to be funny and it isn’t.  It’s just how my mind works, but oh well.  I guess if he likes me he’ll take me for who I am.  I’ve learned that much.  And I could go on and write romantic poetry like I used to a long time ago, but that might weird him out, lol

…that and I think my professors pushed me out of the romantic writing a bit when they used to tease me in class about my literary obsessions.  Oh, Nathaniel Hawthorne…lol

alrighty, I think that’s it for now, can’t think of much else to say.  I should go finish organizing some stuff in my room.  Peace.

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