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Archive for October, 2008

there are some moments when you start to wonder what’s important.  Is it important that you have a secure life with someone who provides for you and have children with you, but they would never want to talk about the issues that matter to you.  Or they outright refused to? Or you have a life with a person who does understand those things, but doesn’t want a family.  And could care less about caring for one?  What do you do? What do you decide? Live alone till someone else comes along? It all seems to be a vicious cycle.  I start to care for someone, I say hey, they aren’t drop dead gorgeous, cute in their own way, and they CLEARLY care about me, but they don’t think those things are important.  And this seems to throw up a red flag for me, I mean do I consider a relationship with someone who can’t talk about feminism, or sexism, etc.  I don’t mind being friends with him.  But do I let myself care more? I don’t know. I’m so confused.  And I tried to tell myself it was nothing after talking to a few friends about it, but I’m still very lost on it all.  But then he went and bought me something and had it mailed to me, before we had this conversation and I feel odd about everything. So yeah, here I am.  Confused, caring, but wondering if I should.  Like he doesn’t discount my religious choices, but doesn’t seem to get that it would mean a lot to me, and I would need to have someone to talk to about theories and political things and he just refuses to have a voice or ear in any of that at all. He says it’s not important to him so he doesn’t want to talk about it.  So I’m trying to figure out why he can’t see that by doing so, he’s alienating himself from me in a way that I don’t think is good.  

I don’t know.  The whole thing is strange.  How can you care but not?

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